Surviving Tiki Island
by KiwiTiki
Summary: Dare to survive on Tiki Island with all your favorite FF8 & Harry Potter fans! Hosted by Looney [sober] Lupin, and our favorite host: Drunken Sirius! R&R. (More FF8 charecter appearences coming soon!)
1. Introductions- Meet The Contestants

Survivors on Island Tiki

Survivors on Island Tiki

By Tiki Kiwi (Seperately known as ~*Barracuda*~ and Gravie)

Disclaimer: Bah. Jk Rowling and Square Lub Me.

ALLO! I am reporting from...er....my room...No wait. that's not exciting. I'm reporting from My House! Hm, still not exciting. I'm Reporting from a remote Island in the middle of the ocean surrounded by light blue surf....ah yes...puuuuurrrrrrrfect. I Shall say, that this Is OUR story. Not yours. Mine. Boo hoo. I shall Kindly read a story that's written by whoever reads & reviews this LOVELY fic. heh heh heh. I also will remind you that all flames shall be doused with my spit.PATCHOIE! heh. Also, the HP charecters aren't really In Charecter, but that's okay with us. We still love you Draco, even if JK makes you mean. *Hugs Life-size cardboard Draco Action figure. NOT DOLL. Action figure.* Ok, We've ranted long enough. On with the Survivor!!!!!!! buahahahahahahahahah

(Hosts Stumble onto Camera)

Sirius: *Hiccup* helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll-o heh heh heh. Loooooooooooooooooooney Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupin.

Lupin: *Rolling his eyes* Sirius, Exactly HOW MANY of those Shot glasses did you drink

Sirius: Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooney Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupin

Lupin: I take that it was more than 15.

Sirius: Siriusly Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuupin, he heh heh. Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun

Lupin: Now, You're just a downright phsyco when you're drunk.

Sirius: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa yooo talkein about? Sirius isn't Drunk

Lupin: And Does Sirius _Normally_ talk about himself in third Person?

Sirius: Sirus Doesn't appreciate your pokes at his *hiccup* ego.

Lupin: Well, Lupin doesn't like it when Sirius is drunk

Sirius: heeeeeeeeeeeeey yoo talk like meeeeee-excuse meeee Siriussssss

Charlie: Uh, Lupin, I hate to interrupt your incredibly _enlightening_ discussion, but the camera is on.

Lupin:WHAT? HOW CAN THE FU- er. heh. heh. heh.

Sirius: *Dracula Voice* Velcome To Surviving Tiki Island!! Vi Vam your host Sirius Vack

Lupin:*in dull bored voice* and I'm Remus Lupin.

Charlie: COM'ON! Give it Some Spice! Be Like Sirius!

Lupin: Drunk?

Charlie: If That's what it takes..yesss

Lupin: Ok, I guess I shouldn't let those hyperactive lessons from Selphie and Zell go to waste. *Bounces up and down waving at the camera and talking in a really loud squeaky voice* I'M REMUS LUPIN!

Sirius: If He's Remus Lupin....I see dead people.....Now, let's get out of this deserted island paradise,*wistful tone* Where they have girls in bikinis soaking up ra- *Lupin jabs him* and go meet our contestants in their *Jurassic Park explorer tone* Natural Habitats.

Lupin: Sirius, You sound Gay.

Sirius; WHy THANK YOU! *whispers, close to Lupin* What's say you'n me get together on break time,eh?? *wide, drunked grin*

Lupin: Why Sirius, I never thought you cared.. eh hem.. CONTESTANT #1.........  
  
(Entering the Malfoy Family Mansion. Draco sitting on the sofa)

Sirius: *Drunkn grin* Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order? You look lovely Today.. The both of yoo!

Lupin: *whispers* He had one too many shots of Whiskey

Draco: *nods* Sirius. Go to the Bathroom, and lock yourself in. Then *whispers as if a big secret* Never return....

Sirius: OO! *runs into the bathroom*

Draco: *hits himself on the head* SHI-er. SHIP! *heh heh* (this is a program for all ages.) That's the wine store....

Lupin: DRACOOOOOO!

Draco: *shrug* close enough, you CAN pee in the bottles.

Lupin:.......

Draco: O now, you're a laugh riot. *dryly*

Lupin: I have to ask you some questions.

Draco: That's nice. That's what the phsychiatrist told me. Now, He..He's spending quality time in Hell.

Lupin: *gulp*

Draco: *sweet tone* Now about those questions. *starts drawing his sword*

Lupin: *runs for the wine celler and tries to get Sirius* SIRIUS! GET OUT! THE KID'S GONNA KILL ME!

Draco:*wistful tone* funny, that's what my father said before he met the phsychiatrist. *whispers* They didn't meet in person.

Lupin: *Panicing breaks down door and runs away with sirius and Charlie* 

Sirius: You're coming wit Sirius...*hiccup* To a deserted islandddddddddd *runs off*

Draco: How come everyone always does that? Good thing I'm in a good mood today. Deserted Island...hot girls *daydreaming*

Lupin: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *breath* HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Sirius:Welcome to good burger home of the good burger can I take you're order?!

Lupin: *heavily breathing* Now *breathe* You're just acting stupid.

Sirius: *wearing a lampshade hat* Sirius NEVER acts stoopid.

Lupin: *sarcastic* Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.. Sirius.. sober.. that's a laugh and a half.. Now, for contestant number two: Let's meet Quistis, an eighteen year old former teacher at the Garden! Erm.. Quistis??

Quistis: *Intently listens to Self-Esteem tapes* I am a good person.. I love me.. We all, love me..

Sirius: *hiccup* Naow, fer all yew shingle bachlerzzzzzzz out der, Quishtis ish a lubberly shingle lil laydeeeeeeeee. Aint dat roight, Quishtis?

Quistis: *still listening to tapes. replies in brainwashed type tone* Yes, computer automated voice, sir. 

Lupin: SIRIUS! *stifles boistrous laugh*

Sirius: Naow, how about dose blonde duuuuuddes eh? Yew look loike the brunette toipe t' me, but wot do yew fink bout mishter Draaaaaaco ober dere? Hm? *drunken grin* 

Quistis: The world is happy when I am happy... 

Lupin: *left stage laughing*  
  
Sirius: Would yew eber conshider mishter Shirius? Hes'h quite da looooookker dese days.. Dead sexy if yew ashk meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Eh Quishty ol gel?  


Quistis: I will not accept those inferior to me.. Even those "dead sexay bachelors.."  
  
Sirius: Yowch... Female doggie if yew ashk meeeeeee...... CURSH YEW QUISTISH!!!   
  
Quistis: *Takes off headphones.. proper voice 'gain* Sirius? Did you say something?

Sirius: *Is dragged off stage by a very frustrated Lupin, screaming* YEW CANT CATCH MEEEE IM DA DEAD SEXAY GINGER BREAD MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!! 

AN: WE shall stop there, considering it is 11:30 at night, and I need my beauty sleep. (Gravie: Beauty sleep? SINCE WHEN HAS THAT BEEN AROUND!?) Also, we need to work on planning Chapter two! More appearances by your Favorite FF8 Charecters: Seifer (Mel: *whistles loudly*) (Gravie: *Cat Call*), Pirate Cid (Mel: ARGH ME MATIES!) (Gravie: AHOY MATIES! GRUEL OVERBOARD!), and Irvine (Mel: He might be cute if he got a haircut......) (Gravie: IMA COWBOY! *wears cowboy hat*). Until then....Later Days!~Mel (~*Barracuda*~) (Official Scribe.) And Gravie (Official Drunken Translater)

The Official Writers Of the Charecters.

Gravie Writes: Sirius (She's the best drunken speak around.), Pirate Cid, Squall, Ginny, Ron, Harry, Hermoine, Rinoa, Zell, Lem

~*Barracuda*~ Writes: Lupin, Draco, Quistis, Seifer, Irvine, Selphie, Fujin, Charlie, Slytherin, Fleur, Mel


	2. Introductions- Meet The Contestants [2]

Surviving Tiki Island, 

Surviving Tiki Island, 

More introductions….

By Kiwitiki (~*Barracuda*~ and Gravie) 

AN: I LIIIIIIIVVVVVVEEEEEEE! Aren't you excited! Chapter two of Surviving Tiki Island! Well, at least you're jumping up and down on the inside…. We are excited to introduce you to the rest of our cast now! Then…Then…we shall get to the island!! WEE!

(Entering the galley)

Sirius: *Prances about singing loudly "I may be a tiny chimney sweep but I've got an enormous broom* Guuuuuud evn'ing Mishter Luuuuuuuuuuuuuupin. How be's yew tooodae? Mmm?  
  
Lupin: *Is busy being mauled by Pirate Cid and his Gruel* Well, I don't feel so good, and Gruel doesn't look that good on me…

Pirate Cid: *gasp* A harr harr! Yeh'v n'sulted mai cookin!! YEH'LL PAY FER THAT YOU INSOLENT NINNY!! *Mercillessly pelts Lupin with steaming gruel, for the insult*

Lupin: *Scared* Um Sirius…d'you think that we could get this interview over with a move on to a more….sane constestant??

Pirate Cid: Aharr harr.. Be yeh a'sayin yeh dun loike meh fer COMPANY!!!!!! A harr harr, sick 'im, Polly! *sends ancient parrot after Lupin* *Parrot drops dead mid-flight* N'yar.. she was one day away from retirement..

Lupin: Well Pirate Cid… I Love your company..How 'bout comin' over for tea sometime?

Pirate Cid: Er.. sorry ter dis'point yeh matey, but I – er.. ain't part of that flock if yeh git me drift.. Erm.. Yah.. so.. yew kin uh.. go… away…. Uh… *slowly steps away from Lupin*  
  
Sirius: Hm.. N'tereshtin.. There's sevendee four planks on dish wall.. Didjeh 'ear dat Luuuuuuupin?? Mmm? Ah bet yew ne'er counted alla dose fingsh.. Oiy.. Me forehead 'urts.. I fink I betta.. .uhh.. *faints*

Lupin: Balderdash…*drags unconscious Sirius off stage* Pleasure to meet you Pirate Cid….AHHH! *runs from ghost of dead bird*

Sirius: *mumbling absentmindedly* Oiyoiy.. Yew sah, are a comin wif us too a dessssssserted eyeland for a gaaaaaame… Did anyone eber tell yew dat yer shirt ish burry flatt'rin ter yeh figyoore….weeeee..*faints into unconsciousness* 

Lupin: *Walks into Empty field* Well, I've dropped Sirius off to finish throwing up the rest of his alcohol…Now, We shall meet our next contestant…Seifer Almasy.

Seifer: *runs in with his girlfriend, Lem* Hey, Lupin right?

Lem: *grins* Pleasure to meet you! Now, Seifer, You told me that you had a surprise for squall!

Seifer: I Do, but Squall isn't here, and I don't want him to see us, I think he likes you.

Lem: Well, Duh. Everyone likes me…

AN: Gravie- MEL!!! STOP IT! FINE! I'll Make Myself a character! You can have Seifer…But Draco mine…. Mel- Only If I get Squall too. Gravie- *nods happily*

Seifer: *grins*

Lupin: Okay, Okay, very sentimental, but I need some information on you for our audience..

Seifer: I Love Lem.

AN: Gravie- MELLLLLLLL!!!! Mel- Okay okay okay…

Seifer: I'll give you information. My Name is….*shifty eyes* Not to be released…

Lupin: I already told them your name.

Seifer: Poosticks. I attended the garden until the Bas- *Lem Jabs him* Jerk..

Lem: Nice Save

Seifer: Why Thank you, Until the Jerk Squall kicked me out. That's when I met Lem! We joined together in forces against Squall in Rinoa! *spends the next five minutes talking about Lem, while occasionally pointing out that Squall and Rinoa are jerks* By The Way…I love Lem.

Lem: *Is busy hacking apart Trees with various weapons*

AN: Gravie- This is getting really old really fast…

Lupin: I guess I'll be leaving… *slips away unnoticed*

***  
  
Sirius: *Walks, composedly into Quistis's classroom at the Garden* Ah, 'lo there Quistis… Uh.. no hard feelings about the other day, mm? I was a bit .. drunk.. although I must say.. you do have quite the attti—oh.. yes.. um.. anyways.. I need to speak with Squall Leonhart..  
  
Squall: *doesn't even notice Sirius in classroom; sitting at desk with his hands on his chin, admiring Quistis through glazed over eyes, lost in the world of fantasy*  
  
Quistis: Erm.. 'lo, Sirius.. Squall, you have a visitor..  
  
Squall: *oblivious*

Quistis: *walks over to Squall and lays a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently* Squall, there's a dead sexy British man to see you..  
  
Squall: *Stares at hand, wide-eyed and amazed* So does this mean we're on for Saturday!  
  
Quistis: Uh no.. So.. about your visitor…..

Sirius: AH HEM. Yes, about this marvelous, absolutely drop-dead gorgeous visitor of yours, Squall… You've been selected to join a few other contestants on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere, competeing for one million gilleons.

Quistis: Gilleons?  
  
Sirius: Uh.. yes.. that's what you get when you do a Harry Potter and FF8 crossover fic!! Gil + Galleons = Gilleons!!  
  
Everyone: *lost*

Sirius: Anywho, Squall, to make you feel better for leaving all your beloved homework behind, we have a consolation prize: Quistis!!  
Quistis: WHAT THE BLOODY HE--- (@#*%&(@!*#!(*@#!! SIRIUS YOU @*$%!&! GIT!!!! *Starts advancing on Sirius with handy-dandy whip*

  
Sirius: Uh.. Squall, Quistis, toodles! *runs out of room asap*

*

Lupin: *Walks into Balamb cafeteria, as a big blur runs for the concession stand* We are now looking for Zell, Creature of the cafeteria *croc hunter voice* He Thrives on hotdogs alone! BLIMEY! That's A BIG ONE!

Sirius: *enters doing the can-can with an exuberant Xu*

Zell: *runs around stealing other people's hotdogs*

Lupin: We've got the opportunity to see him in his natural habitat, Working as stealthily as a Bouncy ball, Graceful as one of the…*gasp* Crocs…


End file.
